“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
If we don’t break the “fiscal cliff” stalemate by Monday, there will be sweeping tax increases beginning on Tuesday and deep, automatic government spending cuts including unemployment payments set to start on Wednesday. Look for the biggest damn “Garage Sales” this country has ever seen on Thursday.
Last week the market went down so fast three blue chip stocks turned white.
Spending cuts and tax increases combined are said to be worth 600 billion dollars. To understand how much money that is. Imagine grocery shopping at “Whole Foods” every day of the month.
If the House of Representatives can’t agree on a fix, Speaker JOHN BOEHNER my no longer be rapping with that enormous gavel of his. By the way, if after four hours the gavel is still that size he should see a doctor.
This stalemate between Democrats and Republicans is ripping the country apart. AL QAEDA is desperately trying to find a way to take credit for it.
Last year “Standard and Poor” downgraded our rating from triple-A to AA+. If we can’t fix this “fiscal cliff” situation it could get worse. Italy, England and Germany could “Un-friend” us on Facebook.
The White House will usher in the New Year with a rousing chorus of, “Should Auld Misconceived, Miscalculated and Misjudged Compromises Be Forgot.”
The East Coast digs out from another giant snow storm. Washington D.C. hasn’t seen this much white since the last “Tea Party” convention.
Washington was paralyzed by three feet of snow. Nothing moved. It was a lot like Republicans and Democrats trying to work out a fiscal deal.
And with the snow came freezing weather. It was so cold in D.C. — JOHN BOEHNER actually enjoyed being in hot water.
It was so cold in the East. Newark was buried under 10 feet of snow and nobody looked for it.
In Chicago a 33 degree Mason dropped 10 degrees and now is a member of the B’nai Brith.
Superman almost froze his “S” off.
In upstate New York’s Sing Sing Prison, it was so cold three petty thieves requested the Electric Chair — but the warden was already sitting in it.