“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
This DAVID PETRAEUS scandal keeps getting bigger. It turns out that another top general and an FBI agent had inappropriate contact with the woman who sparked the investigation. If it gets any worse, they’re thinking of changing the address of CIA Headquarters from Langley to Melrose Place.
People are disappointed. Here he is, a four-star general, highly decorated, brilliant strategist, director of the CIA, and he’s behaving like your common, ordinary congressman.
Poor PETRAEUS. He had to explain away all those denials, evasions, misstatements and little white lies. And after his wife he had to testify before Congress.
Now that GENERAL PETRAEUS has resigned because of having an affair, the FBI has found other offenses that could have ended his career. “Jay Walking,” “Parking in a handicapped space,” and worst of all, “Tearing the label off a pillow in 1968.”
No one knows what the GENERAL will do next. All I know is he’s in for one hell of a rotten Thanksgiving.
This affair is a prime reason why the CIA is confident that terrorists will never bomb Washington. They wouldn’t want to end the confusion.
Texas Republicans are so disappointed with the election, there’s a petition for the state to secede. It has 25,000 signatures — from every state in the union BUT Texas.
People magazine announced that CHANNING TATUM is 2012′s “Sexiest Man Alive.” — Florida is still counting and should announce their pick sometime next week.
Why is it so hard for the people in Florida to count votes? We’re talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time.
JAMES BOND beat ABRAHAM LINCOLN at the box office. Boy, it’s really been a lousy month for Republicans.
The PRESIDENT went to New York to visit places that were destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. He’s also visiting people who lost their power. For that he could have stayed in Washington. There are plenty of Republicans there.
Happy Birthday: NBC turned 86 years old. Like most 86 year-olds, it watches CBS.
CBS is no youngster itself. The famous CBS eye will be off the air this week. It’s having a cataract removed.
FACEBOOK and the Department of Labor have joined to produce a new App. With it you can browse through 2 million job listings. You know you’ve been on the Internet too long when even FACEBOOK thinks it’s time for you to get a job.