Time for Another Stand-Up Political Comedy Blog


"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. 

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

Well, we're finally finished with Election 2012. Not the year. The number of campaign phone calls I was getting every night.

The results have been finally tallied and we proved once again that American democracy is alive and well; even if Florida was more confused than an old person with an iPhone.

The President got 70 percent of the Hispanic vote in Colorado and Nevada. And in New Hampshire he got the support of both Latino guys.

ROMNEY did well with certain voters. He had the support of men, people over 45, and married women. In other words, MITT ROMNEY had the support of MITT and ANN ROMNEY.

Just when it looked like it couldn't get any better for the OBAMA-BIDEN ticket, the latest Florida vote came in showing they were trailing JOHN McCAIN and SARAH PALIN by 12 points.

What goes on in Florida? They had four years to fix this. We need to make sure Florida never gets the Olympics.

At the end of the night the electoral count was 303 for OBAMA and 206 for ROMNEY -- or as Fox News put it, "Too close to call."

A victory like this is just the kind of thing that might sway the undecided voter.

MITT waited until 1 a.m. to give his concession speech. In fact, it took so long CHRIS MATTHEWS had to rewind his mouth three times.

There was a huge turnout in Hollywood. For the first time, there was more celebrities in voting booths then in rehab.

I'll say this about ROMNEY. After a grueling 96 hour campaign marathon, the day after the election he got up at the crack of dawn and jogged 10 miles to the airport -- to fly to the Cayman Islands to check out his bank accounts.

Colorado became the first state to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. bringing new meaning to the JOHN DENVER song, "Rocky Mountain High."

When they heard, California said, "I'll smoke to that!"

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS surpassed himself in the new STEVEN SPIELBERG drama, "Lincoln." What other actor could have signed the "Emancipation Proclamation" using only his left foot.