"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Well, the Wisconsin recall election is over and SCOTT WALKER remains Governor, but his opponent MAYOR TOM BARRETT wasn't a sore loser. In his gracious concession speech he said, "GOVERNOR WALKER is on the edge of an economic precipice - so let's all get behind him and push."
The big talk is that GOV. WALKER outspent his opponent more than 9 to 1 -- or $50 million to hold onto his office. Too bad. I saw the same election in WalMart for $29.95.
After last week's low jobs report the recession seems to be back and it must be worse than we thought. On PRESIDENT OBAMA'S desk is a sign that says, "The HALF-buck stops here."
Yes, times seem to be turning bad again. Last week a "Salvation Army Band" hijacked a "Good Will" truck.
The major problem is, the Republicans in the Senate won't let any of PRESIDENT OBAMA'S Job's Bills pass. I think minority leader MIKE McCONNELL has gone overboard. Last week in a restaurant the bill came and he filibustered that too.
When OBAMA, in an effort to get Congress to boost hiring in state and local governments, made a gaffe and said, "The private sector is doing just fine," ROMNEY pounced on his remark. In his rush to discredit the PRESIDENT he even pointed to celebrities who might be standing on street corners holding signs telling that times are not "just fine":
DON RICKLES would be holding a sign that says: "I'll be rude for food."
MADONNA's sign would say: "I'll be lewd for food."
CHER'S sign would say: "I'll get tattooed for food."
Even IMELDA MARCOS would have a sign that says, "I'll go UN-shoed for food.
Last week's 60th anniversary "Diamond Jubilee" celebration in London was so heart warming, you can't blame QUEEN ELIZABETH for having no thoughts of retiring. Besides, at her age, with all those years of Metamucil, she needs that throne more than ever.
86 year old HUGH HEFNER was engaged to a 22-year-old CRYSTAL HARRIS and then at the last minute it fell apart and they didn't get married. Guess what? They're back together. They realized they had a lot to offer each other. At their ages, they both needed someone to help them cross the street.
They can also save time. They can buy his "Depends" and her "Pampers" in the same store.
Happy 56th birthday to Swedish tennis great BJORN BORG. This was the star who won all those tournaments, then after 10 years of retirement came back to win a lot more. You might say he was a "Bjorn Again" champion.
If you'd like to get him a birthday gift he's registered at "Bjest Buy."
FATHER'S DAY: -- Since 1910, the 3rd Sunday in June has been set aside to honor dear old dad, keeper of the "Y Chromosome" - On this day we ply the Old Man with gifts, send him cards, buy him dinners and whatever else we can slap on his Visa or Mastercard.