Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
PRESIDENT OBAMA is very upset with the members of the Secret Service who were involved in that Colombian prostitution scandal. He said, “With such low employment in our country, those jobs should have gone to American hookers.”
Well it looks like MITT ROMNEY is going to be the Republican nominee even though according to a new ABC poll ANN ROMNEY is more popular than her husband. But then again, so is asbestos.
When the Republican party realized MITT was their choice, he was met with a unanimous round of indifference.
NEWT GINGRICH is going to announce next week that he is dropping out of the Presidential race. One good thing has come out of his running. After all the months of campaign speeches and promises, he’s earned himself hundreds of thousands of “Frequent Liar” miles.
NEWT has already been invited to the GOP convention and he’s been assigned a seat where he would be able to hear all the speeches — as long as he didn’t flush too loud.
The first case of “Mad Cow Disease” since 2006 was discovered here in the United States. Since the animal is from California, instead of putting the cow down they are going to enroll him in anger management classes.
We haven’t had a single incident of “Mad Cow Disease” for the past six years, which was quite admirable. However, we did have to contend with a few cases of “Pissed-off Poultry.”
Last week was “Bring Your Child to Work Day” — or as it’s known in China — Thursday. Personally I think it’s a bad idea. Isn’t that how we got GEORGE W. BUSH?
Last week was also “Earth Day” and it was reported that a light bulb was found that has been burning continuously in a Chicago suburb for the past 20 years. General Electric immediately sent over a team of scientists to study this phenomenon — to make sure it will NEVER happen again.
A New Mexico company has petitioned the federal government to become the first U.S. business to offer horse meat for human consumption. Now when you order a steak in Albuquerque it’s no longer “Well, Medium or Rare.” It’s “Win, Place or Show.”
20 years ago, when a jury acquitted three white and an Hispanic Los Angeles Police Department officers, the infamous “1992 LOS ANGELES RIOTS” began. There was so much looting and the courts were so crowded, one judge had a sign on his bench that said, “Ten items Or less.”
One looter grabbed a couch, took it home, then set his drapes on fire so they wouldn’t clash with the couch.
The police were so busy during the riots, three doughnut shops went out of business.
Beverly Hills residents did their part. They all ran down to South Central and doused the fires with Perrier.
Everyone in Los Angeles felt threatened. The fires got so close to Grauman’s Chinese Theater, JUDY GARLAND’S footprints got up and ran to Pasadena.
Even during the hostilities Beverly Hills kept its upscale image. There were signs everywhere — “Valet Looting.”
Although the LA Riots quieted down over the weekend, the following Monday the looters were right back in the stores — exchanging sizes.
After the riots many protest groups sprung up, especially “Shoplifters Of America.” They claimed the looters got all the GOOD stuff.