Gather ’round boys and girls, it’s “How to Buy an Election” time! What fun! Thanks, CNN Money, for the primer! You’re the BEST! Can you say, “Thank you, CNN Money!”?

So, kiddies, how exactly does democracy work? In other words, how much did victory cost Willard M. Romney?

Romney spent a total of $76.6 million, far more than any other campaign. That total is, for example, more than the combined spending of Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. [...]

At the end of March, the Romney camp had captured 607 delegates and 4.1 million votes. That means the candidate, who has cultivated a reputation as a penny-pincher, spent $18.50 per vote, and $126,000 per delegate.

The money was used to cover various expenses like hotels, food, equipment, accounting services, rental cars, air travel, event consultants and online advertisers.

For instance, in March, the campaign spent $871 on Poland Spring water, $1,966 on office supplies from Apple (AAPL, Fortune 500), more than $50 at Applebee’s, $48 at Arby’s, $9.57 at Panda Express, $11,000 in payments to the Waldorf Astoria hotel and $70,165 at law and lobbying firm Patton Boggs.

Wowee! That’s a lot of money, isn’t it, boys and girls? I’ll say it is! Can you spell “big spender”? I knew you could!

Wait! Isn’t big spending what Uncle Willard chides President Obama for? Why, yes! Yes it is! Can you spell “hypocrite”? Sure you can!

Now, children, you’ve all heard of Superman, right?

Right!

But have you heard of super PACS? 

Well, you have now! And Uncle Willard is a HUGE fanboy of super PACs! Why? Here’s why:

When super PAC money is factored in, overall spending on Romney’s behalf jumps to $122 million, bringing his cost-per-vote to just under $30. By this measure, each delegate cost more than $200,000.

Okay boys and girls, we know what makes Uncle Willard strong, but can you guess what Uncle Willard’s Kryptonite is? That’s right!

You all get gold stars, because you’re the smartest kids in class!