"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Despite his big loss in Florida, NEWT GINGRICH vows to stay in the GOP race. And we all know how dependable NEWT is when it comes to taking vows.
Last week was "Groundhog Day" and NEWT took the opportunity to call "Punxsutawney Phil" and ask him how he got out of HIS hole so easily.
MITT ROMNEY came out of Florida, saw his shadow and said, "Oh, God, six more weeks of being bashed by GINGRICH.
GINGRICH saw his shadow and immediately signed up with JENNY CRAIG.
While DONALD TRUMP announced he was endorsing MITT ROMNEY, that thing on Trump's head was making a move on the Groundhog.
RON PAUL wasn't in Florida at all. He was afraid if he went there they'd grab him, dress him in white shoes and a matching white belt and set him up with an appointment at a urologist's office.
After losing in Florida, GINGRICH is campaigning hard in Las Vegas but his wife CALLISTA must be getting nervous. During a speech he made, her hair moved.
ROMNEY won big in Nevada, but GINGRICH isn't completely out of the race. In Las Vegas they couldn't get him out of the Men's room. He was winning at the pay toilets.
MITT ROMNEY said he's not concerned about the very poor. It seems to me, MARIE ANTOINETTE said something like that and look how well that turned out.
Good news at last. The DOW closed over 12,800, it's highest level since May 2008. On Wall street investors are so happy they were jumping INTO windows.
There's a TARZAN action figure that has his right hand on his groin. When asked, Mattel said it means nothing. So how come when you pull the string it says, "Me Tarzan - Who needs Jane?"
Millions of fans all over the world watched SUPER BOWL XLVI as 22 giant brutish men tackled, pummeled, kicked and broke each other's bones, all for the possession of one tiny pigskin ball. My God, how much would it cost to buy another ball, altogether?