Guest post by Muther Bear (@MuthrBear)

I’d like a nickel for every time I’ve heard a Republican tell me that the “job-creators” need more economic certainty. Hell, with that many nickels (and the right donations made), many Republicans would probably start to actually see me as a “job-creator” – some would most certainly start to “worry that I might” not create any jobs if I don’t have economic certainty.

Imagine my delight and surprise when I discovered that a bona fide hugger of trees and believer in the well-being of human beings over the bottom-line of corporations like me actually agreed with all of those Republicans! Wow. I want certainty, too! Bipartisanship!! Wheeeeeee!!!!!

Oh yes, I absolutely do want certainty. If you’re a “job-creator” who is, oh say, actually creating jobs, I hope that this year’s Christmas stocking is filled to the furry brim with all the tax breaks that you honestly deserve. An economic candy cane for every job you create, I say!

Your corporate spokespersons bought-and-paid-for representatives claim that you are “worried that you might” lose some of your ridiculously over-stuffed, grossly under-earned goodies, so you’re remaining seated on all of your nickels.Well, how awful for you, I say! Whether it’s all that worry, or all those nickels you’re laying on, you’re probably losing sleep most nights, you poor things! I want certainty for you, too!

My Christmas wish for you, dear job-free “job-creators” is that you get the certainty that you want, and most certainly, the certainty that you deserve. I hope you can stop “worrying that you might” not get to keep your goodies, and I hope that your worry is replaced with the absolute certainty that you will not receive another nickel in tax breaks until you are actually creating jobs, “job-creators.”

I’m off to write a sternly-worded letter about this to Santa, our President, the Tooth Fairy, or whoever else out there might actually have a shot at affecting this particular brand of absurdity. Then, maybe I’ll throw all the food in my fridge away because I “worry that it might” go bad, and I’ll glue all of our toilet seats down because I “worry that I might” fall in.

Take Care, Muther B.