Why I can never be president of the United States.


Michael Kinsley and I will never be president of the United States, even if we wanted to run... which we don't. Well, I don't, and I'm guessing Michael Kinsley doesn't.

Why can't we ever be chief executive? No, no, not because of (speaking for myself) the obvious lack of qualifications, nonono. It's because we are nonbelievers, because we don't happen to agree with people who think there is a god, and it's because we don't fall in line with the many people who feel that their god is the only "legitimate" god, and because these people and their beliefs (keyword) are exclusionary. So, because of all of that, Michael and I are out.

In fact, in some cases, we're overtly disdained for not having faith (other keyword) in something or someone that others do. Amazing.

Kinsley, in today's L.A. Times, also focused on that and also on something I wrote about in a post I can't find at the moment, that four of the GOP candidates say they actually got messages from their god to run for president. Here's what I think he may have imparted to them:

Text message from God to Rick: You should run because you're a governor, you're an ardent believer, and... and... oops.

Text message from God to Hermie: You really gotta run for president. Think of the all those book sales and speaking engagements! Word of warning: Keep those sexual harassment allegations under wraps.

Text message from God to Michele: You can do this! Just avoid quoting fake sources without facts to back up their fake wild claims. Oh, and keep Marcus away from the cameras. Deal?

Text message from God to Rick Santorum: Running for president is the only way you'll ever be in the spotlight again. And about that Google thing... we'll deal. Somehow.

You know what all that means, right? Their god clearly wants President Obama to be re-elected:

What kind of game is God playing here? He's told four people to run for president, but (barring a miracle, I guess) three of them are going to end up disappointed. Imagine the situation: God himself has told you to run for president. Did he tell you that you'd win? Possibly not, but he strongly implied it. Why else would he want you to run? What an endorsement. What a boon to your fundraising. And what a downer when he fails to deliver. It will be a test of faith for three or them, for sure.

As you may have surmised from the previous paragraph, I'm a nonbeliever. That puts me in the only religious grouping in America whose members are effectively barred from any hope of becoming president, due to widespread public prejudice against them. That group is atheists. There will be a Mormon president, a Jewish president, an openly gay president before there will be a president who says publicly that he doesn't believe in God.

If you don't fall in line, you're not one of us, and you're not electable. If you don't share a religious belief (there's that word again), then you're, what, not American enough to run...  Yeah that must be it.

Final text message from God to all four: Psyche!

  • Anonymous

    I'm with you all the way, GottaLaff. 🙂  There are more of us everyday.

  • Thank you. And I have a problem with someone demanding that I believe what they do in order to be accepted.

  • KansasDem

    You did a good job there, but I'm in an awkward position. I'm truly agnostic, meaning that I have no idea who or what, if anything or anyone, is at the core of our creation, existence, etc.

    I've caught as much hell from Atheists as I have from Christians :^(

    Why is, "I'm just not sure", such a horrific answer to questions about faith?

    What I truly have a problem with is any religious view that promotes hatred!