By GottaLaff

Tampa’s Welcome Wagon

UPDATE: Racy sequel here.

Have you heard the one about the priest and the tire iron? The ClusterFoxers would be proud.

TAMPA — A Marine reservist armed with a tire iron beat and chased a man he thought was an Arab terrorist and even called 911 to say he was detaining the man, police said. [...]

That’s why police arrested reservist Jasen D. Bruce on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

Police said they’re also investigating whether Bruce, 28, committed a hate crime.

The priest was on his way to bless another retired Greek priest, but got lost. He asked Jasen for help, but…

Instead of offering help, Bruce struck the priest on the head with a tire iron, police said.

Isn’t that just like a good citizen? I wonder if he’s a Glenn Beck fan.

He called 911 and told them that an Arabic man tried to rob him, and that– check this out– he was going to take the priest into custody. When the police showed up, Tire Iron Jasen told them the priest was a terrorist.

Then officers went to Bruce’s apartment to speak to the reservist again. But he already had an attorney with him and refused to speak, police said.

Yep, Brucie pre-emptively lawyered himself all up. Isn’t that just like an innocent man?

Moral: Always jump to conclusions. All foreigners are terrorists. And all foreigners should be beaten with tire irons. Hold all questions until later.

It’s the American way.

H/t: Joeyess